Banana Republican Fall 04 Catalog

jest magazine - volume 3 issue 2 This link gets you to one of the funniest political humor pages I've seen this year. You have to check it out. At work yesterday, I discovered that my little area affectionately known as analysts' row is divided similarly to the rest of our country. There's half republicans (including my boss who will hear of nothing else and in fact yesterday referred to Kerry as a "radical liberal") and the other half is democrat. Yesterday, we learned that one of our own is UNDECIDED. We were sitting dispersed in the two cubicles that have TVs in them (the emergency response/business continuity people) waiting to see what Osama Bin Laden had to say and we formed into groups by our political affiliation (I can't stand listening to the republican rhetoric, and in the democrat cubicle, we just make fun of the republicans because we are all very mature -- and because we don't take ourselves so seriously). That's when someone asked Mr. Undecided who he was voting for and he told us he wasn't sure yet. EVERYONE charged into his cubicle saying "Let's get to work" or "There's still hope for him" or other stuff like that. It was actually pretty funny. Maybe you had to be there. I brought home more work this weekend. Ack.

Unbelievable, Unfathomable, Unforgettable

. I haven't said much about the Red Sox out of fear of the jinx. At work the big joke has been my stinky sweatshirt which I have worn every night since game 4 of the Yankees Red Sox series. Tonight I came home and put on the sweatshirt and hunkered down for a night of baseball with my dogs. My husband was at work, which was good since he had been cheering for the Cardinals, just to get my goat (which has nothing to do with that OTHER curse of the Cubbies). I called my little brother in Florida, who was also home alone because his wife and kids were in Birmingham, Alabama with his in-laws. We spoke a few times during the course of the game, nervously joking about what chaos a victory tonight would bring about, not just at Fenway, but in the world, since the whole balance of the world depends on the Loser mystique of the Red Sox. We talked about my mom, who is gone now for nearly 4 years. When we were kids, we would load up into the hearse (the black Dodge Coronet station wagon) and head out to Fenway Park, starting in the cold early spring games, through the late September games, sitting in Section 29 on the left field line, and yell what we thought were obscenities to Jim Rice, and we were sure he could hear us. I remember the Sox of the 70's: Carlton Fisk, Carl Yastrzemski, Denny Doyle, Rick Burleson, Butch Hobson, Fred Lynn, Jim Rice, Dwight Evans, and pitchers like Luis Tiant, Bill Lee, Dennis Eckersly and more. It would all culminate in a 4th of July weekend or double-header with the Yankees. (Have I ever said that we were bred to HATE the Yankees?) In the cold of April's pouring rain, we endured defeats by Cleveland, 19-9 one time I remember. We were loyal though. There would be close games, where I remember the stress would get my mother wound up so tight she couldn't watch. Well...that was me tonight. In my sweatshirt, I had the hood on and pulled tight a la Kenny of South Park fame. I was pulling dogs tails and watching in disbelief as the Sox shut out the Cards! It's still unbelievable to me. In the 9th inning, bottom of the 9th to be exact, one out -- Ira called me on the phone and then got my dad on the phone. With the three of us on the line simultaneously, we watched history being made. The Rex Sox win! Anyhow, the sweatshirt is in the washer right now. It has done its job and now the rest of the world no longer needs to suffer. I'm sure there are Sox fans all over the world saying the same thing about their loved ones who have passed, but this win was for my mom. It would have driven her crazy, but she would have shared in the joy that we're feeling now. Mom, we did it!

I'm changing nothing

My Red Sox sweatshirt is going to get up and run away from me screaming any time now. It seems that as long as I wear it (without washing the good juju out of it), the Red Sox keep winning. Curt Schilling is my new hero. Time for another fun filled week of work, to be interupted by some baseball!

The Pissed Kitty Cometh - Festival of Poo

The Pissed Kitty Cometh How could I possibly resist something as tasty as the Festival of Poo. This is provided courtesy of my lovely sister-in-law, Megan. Enjoy!

The Gym, My Evil Nemesis

Ack. I got up this morning and went to the gym. It would have been much more fun if my iPod was charged up, but no, I had to listen to all the elliptical thingies squeaky squeaking and people's insipid comments about how they hate glasses and that contacts are the only way to go, and about how fat they are, the evil stickwomen. Ack. The iPod is charging. Anyhow, my husband is starting on a normal person's work schedule as of Tuesday. Well, normal by comparison to graveyard shift and swing shifts. The last few months he has had weekends off, but worked 3 PM - 11 PM so we never saw each other except for the 5 minutes he would hover over me in my sleep at midnight trying to scare me (it usually worked). Normal schedule means we'll be cooking together so we can eat better food and I can have a break from dog sitting in the evenings which will force me to work out after work. That's where I was going with this whole schedule thing. On another note, my magical Prius started flashing the Maint Reqd indicator light. I guess it's time for my very first oil change (I looked it up in my owner's manual). I have just over 4500 miles on it in 3 months. Not bad, considering I commute to work every day. I just love my little ladybug car. Tonight is the Game One of the World Series. I am planning to wear my Red Sox sweatshirt that I had on for EVERY game the Red Sox won in the ALCS. It might walk away from me soon, but I won't wash it no matter what. I'm getting super-superstitious for this one!

Go Fug Yourself

Go Fug Yourself My sister-in-law sent me a link to this site which is pretty freakin' hysterical. It shows all the fashion faux pas of the upper crust and celebrities and then makes fun of them. How classic.

How many times can the Red Sox make history in 2 days?

The Red Sox came back from a 3-0 deficit in the ALCS to tie the series with the Yankees. They are the first MLB team to do so. So, game 7 tomorrow. I'll be able to sleep better after that. Curt Schilling pitched an amazing game with a bloody foot (not sure what that was about) and I remembered how cool it was to see him pitch when he did a rehab start in Sacramento when the River Cats played the Diamondback's farm team, the Sidewinders, last year. Anyhow, it's always good to see New Yorker's in their finest, bitterest, most hostile behavior, enought to drag out New York's finest -- the riot cops! I was getting so stressed out when they broke the game to clear the field of debris (and players, I think) because the fans were pissed off about good calls made by the Umpire team. Overall, it was a fantastic game!!! Anyhow, emailed my uncle billy (actually Mike's niece Debbie's husband) and we're cheering the Red Sox. How does a family from California become Yankees fans? Mike's whole family cheers for them, except for Mike, who's a Giants fan like me. Now he understands that when you are from Massachusetts, you are BRED to hate the Yankees!

Gloat not, or else win not

There's an unwritten rule with my brothers about gloating about baseball teams. And so I am not gloating. I'm just very satified with the outcome of the last two extra innings games between the Red Sox and the Yankees. Hee hee....

Strings Attached - The puppets of Team America skewer the right. If only they'd stopped there.

Strings Attached - The puppets of Team America skewer the right. If only they'd stopped there. Here's a funny review of the Team America movie.

Another Sunday

When you start to hate Sundays, it's really saying something about what you think about your job. Anyhow, in store for the day is some cleaning and laundry and I'm also going to try to do some work on some scheduling for work today as well. I have so much to get done over the next few months it's starting to make my head spin. We went to see Team America: World Police yesterday. If you are a fan of South Park, and you don't take yourself too seriously, and you are able to laugh at Michael Moore as much as you are able to embrace him as a great filmmaker, then you will love this movie. Complete with action packed music, like the Team America theme song ("America, Fuck Yeah!"), puppet sex and puppet vomit, this movie rocked. The whole experience was hysterical, starting with the preview for the Sponge Bob Square Pants movie, which is coming out soon. We were hysterical over that trailer, and for no apparent reason. It was funny to hear all of the South Park voices in the characters of Alex Baldwin, Hans Blix, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, George Clooney, and Sean Penn. I've heard that some of the characters are upset about their likenesses appearing in the movie, but they seriously need to lighten up. Anyhow, Mike and I definitely recommend it. We also went to Mikuni midtown last night. It was an AMAZING sushi experience. We happened to hook up with some former casino restaurant managers from Mike's job and I had my first sake bomb ever, and it made me fall asleep on the ride home (no, I was not driving). Now I can say I've done it.

Pedro and the little man

I finally found a picture of Pedro Martinez and his good luck charm. Maybe he would do a little better with a rabbit's foot, a four leaf clover, or a horseshoe....

My Cat's Breath

My Cat's Breath Blowing my brother's cover: My brother is Ralph Wiggum. He eats paste. Actually, I am proud to see he has joined his wife and me in the wide world of inane blogging. My life is so unbelievably boring I was shocked when a total stranger came across my blog and actually left a comment! And speaking of Cat's Breath -- My dad is moving to Davis, CA in about 4 weeks. I am in the midst of trying to make all of the arrangements on this front. Today, I rented an entire apartment's worth of furniture. It was fun! Hopefully he'll like it. Only a million more things to do!

Why Athletes Pee on Their Hands

Why Athletes Pee on Their Hands Mike and I were driving home from having dinner at the Zinfandel Grille in Sacramento while listening to the Red Sox v. Yankees game. The topic came up about the player who peed on his hands to toughen them up so he didn't have to wear batting gloves. Mike couldn't remember who it was, but I remembered that it was someone on the Cubs, because I heard Dusty Baker talking about it one time. Leave it to Google! I found this article right away. And I thought Pedro was weird for carrying that midget around. Anyhow, I also found this great picture from the game where Pedro pitched to the sounds of "Who's Your Daddy":

Long Hazy Week -- It's 5 days in 4 and more

These holiday work weeks are a killer. Because there are only 4 work days, it's like you have to jam 5 days in, and then some. I did this big transportation fair at work yesterday and made the mistake of wearing a pair of my lady shoes and I was shredded by the end of the day. I'm going to be happy when the week is over. We're having really insane smokey skies right now because there are forest fires all over the region. Today the sky around Sacramento was yellow. It looked like it was going to rain all day, but according to the weather people, there's no clouds around. Here's a cool sunset picture: Check out this view of Sacramento:

Seaside Rendezvous (thank you Queen)

We’re not even 24 hours into our secluded long weekend on the North Coast and already we’re figuring out that we can check our email. We took along my lovely Titanium Powerbook so we could watch some of our netflix DVDs if we got bored, but I figured I’d knock out some blog entries for fun to document our little mini-vacation. We got up here to Abion after a long day of packing, running errands and winding our way up Route 20. We loaded up everything inside the dogs’ kennel in the back of the Tundra. I only drove the last bit from Willows to the Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, which was the windiest part of the trip (windy as in the road had lots of turns that you had to really take at 20 MPH because we had a big ass truck loaded up with all of our stuff and the doggies and did I mention it’s a big ass truck? I have driven the gas pig about 10 times since we got it in January, so I’m not really used to driving it. It was lots of fun and nauseating for all. I’m the only person I know who has given myself food poisoning AND made myself car sick. We got to the Inn to check in and it had just started misty-raining. I forgot that we had all the stuff in the back of the truck (the suitcases, our shoes, etc.) so we had to high-tail it to the cottage we were staying in, about 3 miles down the road. The innkeepers were there (Steven and Maureen) and I had to sign a bunch of releases of liability saying I won’t wander around on the cliffs, I won’t have wild parties, or burn the house down, etc. Mike was waiting in the truck with the doggies. Steven went out to give Mike directions and to give him the key. I guess Zero the evil devil donut dog growled at Steven a little. Oops. So we got on our way down to the cottage (Sea Cloud) and it was piss-pouring rain outside. I was trying to listen to the presidential debate on the NPR station we found on the way, but I had to focus on being nervous in the car. We completely missed the cottage on the first pass and ended up on a windy dirt road that dropped about 100 feet to get to a beach access and had all sorts of “no trespassing” signs. It was dark and rainy, but we quickly figured out we were in the wrong place. I was freaking out at this point (and happy that Mike was driving). We unloaded the truck in the cottage. This place is so cute and the view is spectacular. It was just getting dark but we could still see the dramatic coastline from our bluff-top perspective. It wasn’t until this morning that we were able to see how incredible the view is. We’re right on top of a bluff and the surf is very strong. There are several outcroppings of rocks that are taking the brunt of the ocean. We haven’t seen any sharks yet, but I’m sure they are out there. So far today, all we’ve seen is one little sailboat on the horizon. We remembered the binoculars but unfortunately didn’t bring the camera. We got all settled in and we had to run out to the store to get stuff for dinner. After making a few wrong turns and then finding the Albion grocery closed and the Little River grocery closed, we drove up the road to Mendocino to get some supplies to keep us going. We came back and Mike barbecued some steaks on the little smokey Joe and we cooked some zucchini and made salad. The two of us polished off a bottle of Bogle Petite Syrah, which was greatly appreciated and also greatly needed! We opened up a bottle of V. Sattui Preston Vineyard Cabernet, which has been kicking around our house probably since our wedding or thereabouts and it help up very nicely the way we had it stored at the house. It was quite good. We finished that bottle off this morning in the hot tub. I got up this morning and took each of the dogs out to do their thing. As I walked up the driveway to the road, I saw four deer staring at me from the wooded area across the street. They stared briefly, then bounced off over the fallen trees. It was a really amazing sight. Of course, I had to think of my neighbor, Tom, the bow hunter… The hot tub was a great thing. It was about 45 degrees when we got up this morning, so it was really brisk out here. Lounging in a hot tub on the deck of a house overlooking the ocean seems like the epitome of decadence. Add a glass of wine at 11:00 in the morning and you’ve pretty much confirmed it. Fifi and Zero were pacing around the deck while we were in the hot tub. Fifi didn’t want to miss out, so she had to jump right in. She was trying to get the jets of water. She likes to bark at the ocean foam, so this was a similar assault. Anyhow, we got her all toweled up and plopped her down in front of the fire to warm up. We’ve been watching Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel for most of the day. Our favorite myths have been the peeing on the third rail and whether tongue piercings create a greater risk of electrocution by lightning. 2:06 We’re out on the deck now, Mike’s smoking a Casillas cigar, made by real Cubans. Zero is pacing around the deck and Fifi is perched on top of the hot tub cover, enjoying the ocean’s hypnotic crash. I’m going to call it a day for now and enjoy the sunshine – it’s warmed up to about 60 degrees.

Howard Stern Is Moving to Sirius

SIRIUS Satellite Radio - AND SIRIUS I'm so excited by this. We have been waiting for him to pick a satellite service since the XM and SIRIUS formats are incompatible. We have to figure out what tuner to get, but this is exciting! Can't wait!

My dog is made of donuts!

My dog Zero just got the clean bill of health from his surgeon from his TPLO Surgery last July. We took him to the doctor on Tuesday and he said that his bone was all healed and his muscle is growing back nicely, but that he's gained a little weight from this experience (haven't we all?) and he'd like to see him lose 5 or 10 pounds (we've taken to calling him sausage dog). He said that he should be able feel Zero's ribs, and what he's feeling is something that isn't muscle and isn't skin. So....I took that to mean my dog is made of donuts. Mmmmm.....donuts. We're also calling the donut dog "Devil Dog" because he has blond spots starting to sprout up on the top of his head, right where his devil horns should be. I'll have to get a picture on here. In the meantime, the Yankees have tied it up in the 12th inning and I'm missing the damn Red Sox game! Go Twins....Red Sox all the way! This is our year!

William Shatner is not a "Has Been"

WilliamShatner.com :: The Official Shatner Website I have always considered myself to be a self-professed geek. I think my AOL profile may have actually influenced my husband when he saw "being a geek" listed as one of my hobbies. Well...there's a certain geek appeal about William Shatner. Some of my earliest memories revolve around Star Trek -- mostly that my brother Brett has a blue scientist uniform jacket and people called him Spock when we were little (I'm sure the haircut didn't help him out much on that front). At any rate, there's something really kitchy-cool about William Shatner. The first time I ever saw him sing was back in New York. I was at a party being thrown by the staff of Screw magazine. Amongst the various nasty porn videos featuring women and animals, there was one gem -- William Shatner singing Mr. Bojangles and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. I loved it instantly. Anyhow, William Shatner has put out an album that was produced by Ben Folds, who is another of my idols (and one of the greatest rock pianists making music these days). I just downloaded it from iTunes and what I have heard sounds great. Check it out and let me know what you think. That song Common People is one of my faves from a band called Pulp. I bought their CD when I was working on Judge Dredd in London. It makes me happy (well, their version anyhow).